What's Been On My Mind

This summer has definitely been a challenge for me. Before it began I was looking at it through a very foggy pair of glasses. My faith was first tested when my plans to go to Korea were cancelled. Dr. Chang, a Taylor Prof, asked me to spend part of my summer teaching English at a church in Seoul. Throughout the months of Spring my mind was in Korea and I couldn't wait to board a plane and fly to the country where so many of my Taylor friends live.

After the conflict that was happening in North Korea, I began to feel uneasy.  I also doubted my capability to teach English with no previous experience. And so with some counsel from my parents I decided not to go.  It was a hard decision not only because I had my heart set on going, but also because many of my Korean friends were not returning to Taylor in the fall, and therefore I didn't know when I would see them again

Summer came and I took it on full force. I surrounded myself with things to keep me busy like volunteering at church, joining a book club and attending a weekly bible study. A few weeks into the summer I didn't enjoy any of this. I spent hours on Facebook wishing I was going to Korea, or anywhere.  Most of my friends from school got jobs at summer camps and seemed to be having a blast. Then again, Facebook has a way of magnifying anything anyone does and throwing it in your face saying, "Don't you wish you were as great as them?"

I had a midsummer breakdown where I cried my eyes out after reading a book by Francis Chan. The Forgotten God. It's a brilliant book that talks about the Holy Spirit and our relationship with him. It was after reading it that I realized how selfish I had been. I didn't want to go to Korea to teach English, I wanted to go for myself. To see my friends, to experience a new culture. And these aren't bad things, but God kept me home to humble me and to bring me closer to him. "Not now."  He told me.

 I realize now that He can work in a person no matter where they are. It seems cliche to say God meets you wherever you are, but it's as true as the sky is blue. And I think you can only truly understand it when you experience it. I rest at peace now with no regrets about canceling my trip. God has strengthened my relationship with my family and friends at home after being away for so long.